Dear me,
I apologize for leaving you the way everyone else did. For building you up just to break you down. And I’m sorry I never made an attempt to pick up your broken pieces and glue you back together until you were whole again.
I’m sorry little me.
I’m sorry that I allowed myself to get too close to the people that caused you pain and did not find it in myself to take their distancing as a sign of a better situation for you. I’m sorry I made you watch yourself break into a million little pieces time after time like a blue china glass plate hitting the floor while begging people to stay.
I apologize for letting you break.
I apologize for being too weak to love you.
For stepping on you while you were already down. For telling you that you were the reason nobody ever stayed. I’m sorry for not letting you blossom into the person I know you could’ve been. I apologize for the marks beneath your sleeves, the scars on your legs, the patterns I made you carve onto your shoulders, your wrists, your ankles, and even your feet. I’m sorry for all of the times I gave up on you. Especially when you needed me most. I’m sorry for the suicide attempts, for making you swallow more pills than your mouth could possibly swallow in hopes of a final destination. I’m sorry for convincing you that you would’ve been better off dead than alive.
I’m sorry for needing you to break in order to realize that not everything or everyone is meant for you.
I don’t know why I did that to you.
I’m sorry for needing you to break in order to realize that in the darkest of moments, not all is lost.
I’m sorry that I broke you. I’m sorry that I let you break. I’m sorry that I failed you.
I hope you will always come back to yourself, stronger than before.
I hope that you will choose yourself.
I hope you will always choose to live even when life begins to scare you.
I hope that you will never let me break you again.
Sincerely,
The old me.
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