Today, I woke up. That might not be a big deal to you...
But, to me waking up is everything.
Waking up means that I’m given another chance at life; it’s another day to shape myself into the woman I never thought I’d be able to become. Not too long ago, waking up didn’t matter to me. Waking up just meant that I had to live another day in a life I hated and somehow I was supposed to “be happy” and act like everything was okay when internally,
I was falling apart.
So when I wake up in the morning, I give myself 3 choices (courtesy of my seminar 137 group).
“Today I can accept, reject, or adhere.”
To accept is to love me for me and all I have to offer. To reject is to simply disregard me.
Lastly, to adhere is to act or present myself in a manner that society wants me to.
Reading that, I’m sure you’re like, “Why would you reject or adhere?” But, there are many reasons. Sometimes, it’s harder to accept yourself than to reject yourself. I mean, when the world knocks you to your knees and beats the notions of self-worth, love, and respect out of you. Why would you accept yourself? The world doesn’t seem to think you’re good enough. So why would you? And then, half the time it’s easier for individuals to adhere to who/what society wants them to be. Like, through social media, your life can be whatever you want it to be. Which can be fun, but after a while both are exhausting. You’re constantly knocking yourself down, one good thing erased by a plethora of negative thoughts. “Why do I keep doing this?” “What’s the point?” "What if they don't like me?” “What if I’m not good enough?”
Let’s be honest, who cares? I say this with all due respect.
The more fixated you become on those questions, the longer you’re stuck in this seemingly never-ending cycle of self-hatred. You see, self-love is one of the trickiest processes there is since there’s no right way to do it. With that being said, if you live your life rejecting yourself and adhering to society, how can you expect to be happy? Think about it. If you can’t see the sunrise without opening your eyes, then what makes you think that disregarding yourself or faking your life in society is going to resolve your issues and give you the happiness that you desire?
I must say that that makes happiness sound elusive. But, it is when you don’t know what happiness is to you. However, you can’t reach true happiness without choosing to accept yourself first. Not just accept parts of you, but all of you.
Take a moment, grab a piece of paper, open your notes app, just make sure you have something easily accessible so you can jot things down.
I want you to now ask yourself and answer these questions truthfully.
What does the word happiness mean to me?
In what ways do I show love for myself? For others?
How often do I find myself having positive experiences versus negative experiences?
What does it mean to love me?
Now, I expect everyone's answers to be different, as happiness is different to everyone, so is self-love (love). So, how do we make it to the highest point of loving ourselves? I wish I could tell you, but I haven't made it there yet either. I'm not exactly sure when I will either, but I do know that when I am there, I will feel it more clearly than I've ever felt anything in my entire life. See, the cool thing about it is that the process is different for everyone. (Like, TikTok says "if you listen to this sound within 51 minutes your life is gonna turn out great" thanks TikTok, real helpful) Unfortunately, listening to an uppity beat like TikTok says doesn't mean your life is going to turn out great.
Your life is yours; you're the only one who can get you to your full potential. So, while taking your first step in this journey you must know that you need to heal, and healing is not linear. Secondly, you must know that you cannot rely on anyone or anything else to create your happiness. You should understand that it's okay to undergo this process alone (as I did); however, having others may make the journey easier. Then, finally, you must accept yourself and experience the joy of learning. Learn what you like, what you don't, who you are, who you want to be (links to helpful books placed on the home page), and what you want to be.
The second you can identify those, the process of self-love will slowly creep in and happiness will follow.
Concluding with a quote from Inward by Yung Pueblo
"they asked her,
"what does it mean to love yourself?"
she answered,
"it means to uncover and release whatever keeps you from true happiness; to love, honor, and accept every single part of you, especially those that are kept in the dark. it means to observe yourself continually with the utmost honesty and without judgment. loving yourself means striving to reach new heights of self-understanding so as to cultivate the wisdom that inner peace requires.""
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